Not now
by Akikokitsune
Summary: Everything because there aren't many Shun x Satoru fanfiction. It's only a translation of my polish fanfiction "Nie teraz". Thank you, Nezumi that you helped me with english translation.
1. Kiss

"Do you want to go out with me?" that is how it started. Naive and innocent.

Shun agreed. Then he didn't know what it means. He agreed only to make Satoru happy.

At the beginning of their new relationship nothing changed. Maybe Satoru was happier than usually, maybe they spent more time together. It stayed like this until that one question:

"May I kiss you?" asked Satoru little embarrassed.

Shun agreed, but even they were alone then, it was embarrassing. Shun stand without any move and he closed his eyes. He only felt that Satoru came closer.

When theirs mouth met, Shun opened his eyes. He felt something strange. Desire? But then he saw how close Satoru was and he pushed him away.

"Sorry, Satoru..."

" I know it's embarrassing. But it felt nice, right?"

"... Yes..."

Shun couldn't forget his desire for Satoru when they had been kissing for the first time. Shun wanted to stay close for a little more. He wanted to be hugged by Satoru. He desired him.

Even if their first kiss was only a short moment, it was enough to change their fate.

"Shun... I love you."

When Satoru said it, he smiled. This smile stayed forever in Shun's memory. Forever, no matter what future will bring them.

Shun wanted to answer somehow, but he couldn't. First time Satoru knows something better than Shun.

"Shun... You're cute, when you blush."

Suddenly Shun wanted to hide somewhere. It was too terrifying. He didn't want Satoru to know what he felt. To know that desire... His lust...

Satoru hugged him like he understood everything without a word.

"Don't hide anything from me" Satoru said.


	2. Love

"Satoru, why do you love me?" Shun asked some day.

"Because..."

"I want the truth."

"Because you are you - this is the most important to me. It's so hard to understand? I love you – and that is only matters! Everyone else doesn't exist. You're my whole life..." Satoru stopped when he saw tears in Shun's eyes.

"If it's so easy, so why I don't understand it?"

"If you don't understand, some day you'll fell it. When you fell it, you'll understand" Satoru said and he kissed Shun.

Shun didn't know how to react, so he kept quiet.

"You always must to understand everything?" Satoru signed and then he laughed.

"What is so funny?"

"Don't be angry, but it's a little weird that I have to explain you something" Satoru smiled to him. "Don't worry. Just rely on me."

"I just want to answer you when you say that you love me, but..." Shun whispered.

Satoru patted his head.

"Don't push yourself so hard. I'll wait for you forever. I'll always love you."

"And what if I never fall in love?"

Satoru kissed him.

"I'll do everything to not let it happens."


	3. Desire

"Shun, do you want to come to my house after school?" asked Satoru.

"Sure, but..."

"You can't say no!"

"I would only like to know..."

"I'll tell everything later." Satoru cut Shun's sentence and sighed. "Why do you always have to know about everything? Trust me a little bit."

Shun has already given up. He wanted to trust Satoru, but... He wanted to love Satoru, but... There was always some "but" and Shun didn't know what to do. That's why he couldn't accept anything. Maybe if he stopped thinking too much, everything would be easier, but anyway he couldn't do that. In the end, everything he could do was thinking. If that disappeared, he would become nothing.

"Shun, what are you thinking about?" asked Satoru when they reached his house.

"It's nothing important..."

"It IS important! Your face expression became sad and I don't want you to be sad" replied Satoru in such a childish way Shun laughed.

"Maybe you can tell me already what are we doing here, at your house?"

Satoru sighed.

"I wanted to spend a little bit more time with you and I wanted to try something."

Shun sat on his bed and so did Satoru. He was so close almost as he wanted to kiss him. But he stopped.

A moment of silence. Shun hesitated. He wanted to push Satoru away and run, but he remembered his words: "Trust me...". He wanted to make him happy so much...

Satoru kissed him. Gently, he inserted his tongue into Shun's mouth. But he resigned when he saw his worried expression.

"I'm sorry! I shouldn't force you to do this..." said Satoru. He was about to move away from him.

But suddenly Shun hugged him. The lack of Satoru was the worst option.

Satoru can't go away. Not now, not now! Shun started to become nothing without him. Not now, when he wanted him so badly...

"Shun, what do you feel towards me now?" asked Satoru and hugged him. "Don't be afraid. You don't have to lie. I'll accept any answer."

Shun became silent. He didn't want Satoru to know that he wanted him.

Satoru hugged him again and said:

"Don't try to hide anything..."

"I...want you" - whispered Shun.

Satoru smiled sadly. He expected another words, but nothing has to be exactly as we expect.

"Do you want me to do something?" asked Satoru.

Shun wanted to run away and forget about it... No, he wanted to erase that situation from his life, but anyway it wouldn't destroy the cause. The temptation, which was natural, yet incomprehensible.

"No one is at home, right?"

Satoru nodded.

"And when will your parents be back?"

"I live with my grandma. She said that she'll come back tomorrow."

"Satoru...we could..." Shun wasn't able to finish this sentence, but Satoru seemed to understand.

Satoru kissed him. But this time it was different. Longer... As if nothing could stop him... More brutally, yet fondly.

Maybe Satoru was feeling exactly the same thing as Shun – temptation.

They fell on the bed. Shun couldn't catch the breath between the kisses. He hold on him tighter.

Suddenly their lips separated. Their breaths were heavy. Satoru started to undress his lover. Though Shun was ashamed, but he gave up without fighting.

"Satoru, undress yourself" said already naked Shun.

Satoru smiled and did as he was told. Shun quickly looked away, but he couldn't stop peeking at him. As if he wanted to remember every piece of Satoru's body. He didn't understand this feeling – there were lots of more important things to remember. But in this moment Satoru was the most important. Nothing else matters.

"Shun, you are so beautiful..." said Satoru and he leaned on him.

"Have you done this before?" asked very ashamed Shun.

"It's my first time with a boy." said Satoru sincerely and he kissed his lover.

"What about girls?" Shun wasn't able to said his thought. He didn't want to know. Not now.

"Shun, I love you." said Satoru and he stroked his cheek.

"It's a lie" - thought Shun, but he didn't said that.

Satoru moved his finger closer to Shun's lips and wiped of a drop of saliva. He didn't stop looking at him.

He brought his face to Shun's neck and started licking it. He stopped and looked into Shun's eyes as if he saw some answer in there.

He kissed him on the lips. He inserted his lounge inside. By the time he started to rub his nipples.

Shun escaped. His anxiety became too big and even his growing temptation wasn't able to stop it. He started to shiver a little bit.

"Shun, I won't hurt you..." said Satoru trying to calm him down. "I'll be gentle... Is that your first time?"

Shun sighed. Satoru smiled gently.

"Trust me." he said and he reached his hand and put it on his own chest so Shun could feel his heartbeat. "My heart beats only for you, Shun."

He enclosed him, but he didn't do anything more.

Shun touched Satoru's cheek, mouth, neck, collarbone...

He didn't know why does this boy make him so calm.

"Satoru... do me." he wispered.

He didn't have to repeat.

Satoru tenderly inserted one finger into Shun's anus and he started to move it and going deeper.

Shun moaned of pleasure.

"More..."

Satoru put another finger. And the third finger.

Tears appeared in Shun's eyes.

Satoru touched his hand. Slowly he took out all fingers.

Shun didn't recalcitrate.

Satoru entered him.

Shun shouted from the pain. He closed his eyes. But it didn't stop the tears.

-"Shun... Shun, look at me! Trust me! Everything is going to be alright!" repeated Satoru, while going deeper into him "Shun, I love you!"

Shun opened his eyes. He didn't expect that Satoru's face will be that close to his face. He felt more and more pleasure.

He cuddled him.

"Satoru... I love you!"

Shun cum. And after that Satoru cum inside him. He left a trace. As if he marked that Shun belongs to him. But in that moment that didn't have any meaning. As if only they existed, no one else.

"Shun, what did you say?" asked Satoru. He couldn't believe his ears.

"I love you, Satoru" repeated Shun and he blushed. Now these words seemed embarrassing.

Satoru cuddled him.

"I'm so happy... Shun, I love you too..."

"BAKA! But first maybe you can get out of me..." said Shun as he wanted to hide his embarrassment.

Satoru quickly corrected himself. That was the most painful moment for Shun. He couldn't stop hanging on him tightly. He couldn't imagine the lack of Satoru. Not now, when he became nothing without him.

"Don't leave me..." he moaned pathetically. "Not now... not now, when I fell in love with you..."

Shun became a liar. Like everybody. Like Satoru. The love was only a lie.

He didn't understand this, but he didn't think too much. Not then, when Satoru was so close.

Later he learned about the truth. Love is only a feeling leading to destruction, hidden by temptation and sweet words, and egoistic, because it came from the human beings nature. A souvenir from ancient civilization.

Everything which was connected with destruction was erased or prohibited.

Maybe that's why Shun disappeared from school.


End file.
